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Marketing During the Robot Apocalypse: Four Ways to Succeed

The robots are coming. We’ve known that for quite some time and even with Hollywood doing their best to serve us doomsday films every month with a new robot going rogue and wiping us all out, humanity still seems intent on designing our own destruction and welcoming robots right into our homes. (Hi Alexa sweetie, we love you!)

When the time comes, and the time will come, humans will slowly start to look a little different, walk a little different, and all of a sudden we’ll realize, oh no, that’s not my sister, that’s Sophia the Robot! Well, don’t you worry, we still want your business to thrive so we’ve put together a comprehensive plan to keep your marketing on par and your business on top.

Avoid Script, Cursive, or any Squiggly Fonts

As we know from all those ReCaptcha tests we take every time we try to make a purchase, log into a website, or just move around on the internet, robots aren’t great with tilted, squiggly, or wiggly wording. If your handmade aprons have the Robot’s name written in script on the front, it may look cute and sweet to the humans, but the robots won’t be able to read it. You need to update your branding and get with the program, it’s time for block lettering only.

Dial Down the Emotion

Yes, humans love to see smiling families and moms cheering on their Olympic hopefuls, but robots can’t even have children (that we know of) so let’s lay off the emotional pull. Instead of positioning yourself as a family friendly, inclusive, love-filled brand, let’s stick to the basics. Robots want stats, facts, and data. Are you a family run business and still want to keep that identity? Take the picture of grandpa flipping the pizza off the wall and replace it with a poster that reads “Three Generations of Experience”. Quantify the love people, it’s the only way.

Food is Not Their Friend

Humans love food but Robots, not so much. What they do love though, is acting like humans. They like to use some sass, some slang, and get in on the experience of being human without the inconvenience of actually having to be a human. Honestly, who wants that? So what does that mean for the food businesses out there? Don’t sell your food, sell the idea of your food. Sell tickets for robots to sit in your dinner. Sell shirts with hotdogs and pizza on the front. Let robots try and cook the food themselves. Do anything except tell them you make authentic Italian food because they have no idea what that means and honestly, most people in your town don’t either.

Get Your Business Online

Robots are all about tech. They’re literally all tech, so you absolutely must get your business online and in the digital age. You’ve got to be ready with strong social media engagement and algorithm comprehension, crawlable, search-engine-friendly websites, and tons of ads targeting the exact market you want to reach. There’s no reason to hope your marketing is working anymore, we have the data and the research being collected daily by every site we use and every site our customers use. Computers know who your potential customers are, you just need to know how to reach them. Oh wait, this last one was totally real and are the actual marketing skills that Insights can help you with. We’re not trying to sell to robots, we just use the technology to help you succeed as a business.

Happy April Fool’s Day from the Insights team! Now, let’s get to work and take your marketing to the next level.